Click here to see the TikTok video Choosing to Express Anger

Hi Guys,

So, I’m finally doing it….I’ve been meaning to start a blog forever….well not forever, maybe like for the past six to nine months. I guess therapists are supposed to blog to help with getting people to find their website. At least that’s what I’ve been told. I thought I would finally get started as my schedule with seeing clients seems a little more manageable right now and I had some time. So I really didn’t want to for a multitude of reasons and then I was using “not having time,” as an excuse. I’ll admit it. I think I have to practice what I preach to be genuine as a therapist, after all, I’m preaching about being genuine and authentic on my website. So, here goes!

I have a client that shares TikToks with me through text because they are funny or she relates to them, or they can express some of her mental health struggles in a way that she can’t. I thought it might be fun to start my blog with one of those TikTok videos and then share my comments about the video, as a mental health professional.

So, hmmm….the behavior in this video is something I see often in clients. They choose not to express anger at others for many reasons. It’s often a learned behavior. Okay, I said no psychobabble…. So, if every time you express anger, something not very awesome happens, then you learn to not express your anger outwardly. For example, if a toddler becomes angry because he/she can’t figure out how to get a toy to work, and they kick it, and are subsequently spanked for it, then they start to learn that expressing anger wasn’t a positive experience. If these experiences continue for a period of time, most likely throughout childhood, by the time you are teen, then you choose not to express your anger to anyone, but yourself. It’s safer to express it to yourself. What does that look like, when people are angry with themselves? Well, now you have some self-harming behaviors, poor self-esteem, lack of self-care, not asserting yourself, and other things that put you in some unhealthy, uncomfortable, if not dangerous positions in life.

The thing about emotions is that they are POWERFUL. They serve a purpose. What purpose? So if you walk into a room and suddenly feel scared because you see the creepy neighbor next door, most likely that scared feeling influences you to leave the room. The problem for most people with emotions is that they don’t know how to express them. Emotions need to be acknowledged and expressed in a healthy manner.

If emotions are not expressed in a healthy manner, people start to experience problems in their life. These “problems” run the gamut. If you hold them in and don’t express them, your body will start to tell you. I’m sure you’ve heard of people dying from a broken heart, or someone having a heart attack caused by stress. These are not wives tales, boys and girls, these are scientific proof that emotions are powerful and can cause harm to our bodies. Here’s the link to Mayo Clinic: Broken heart syndrome. While you’re on the Mayo Clinic website check out these other health issues that are linked to “emotional stress” because the list goes on: stomach upset, insomnia, irritable bowel syndrome, chronic pain, headaches, constipation, weight gain, weight loss, high blood pressure, etc.

So, back to the original young man in the TikTok. He has learned to express his emotions in an unhealthy way. He directs his anger at himself. So, that’s kind of healthy, as he acknowledges that he’s angry and identifies it when it’s happening. BUT it’s not healthy as he is choosing to hurt himself in some form of other.

As you can see, choosing to not express your emotions in a healthy manner was somewhat funny in this TikTok, and helped others to identify with him and not experience shame in engaging in the same behaviors. Shame happens when we experience something that we are not proud of and don’t want to share it with others due to embarrassment. According to Brené Brown, a researcher at the University of Houston, shame is an “intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” It's an emotion that affects all of us and profoundly shapes the way we interact in the world.

This TikTok allowed others to not suffer alone with this unhealthy expression of emotions. Therapy is beneficial in helping people to identify and express emotions in a healthy manner….one of the building blocks to a healthy life. If you can express your emotions, then many positive benefits will occur such as a healthy body, healthy relationships, healthy communication, etc.

If not with me, I encourage you to check out another therapist to learn this skill as it will benefit you in so many ways.